Time Travel and Aliens: Nahhh
Since the lock-down portion of our collective lives I have been interested in time travel. The reason for this is my first time reading an Octavia Butler book “Kindred” that just took me all the way in. I’ve always loved an alien as well, since oh you know E.T. and Mac and Me. They’re so cute and cool. Also during the lock-down portion of our lives I watched the whole series of ALF. Honestly, I’d marry ALF. Do I need to write a F*ck, Marry, Kill essay of these three because I’m not above it. This will not be my kink I promise.
Anyway, my interest in time travel has been opened and I have randomly stumbled upon a couple of time travel television shows, A Way Home and La Brea. I got hooked and now I’m annoyed. The La Brea acting and storyline just make me laugh in their faces, then sit there fully invested and annoyed. I have come to a few conclusions watching these shows though.
First, I love the idea of time travel but time travel is absolutely not for me. I mean there are at least hundreds of years I’m just going to go ahead and excuse myself from by virtue of being Black and a woman. You know what thousands of before times years to be safe. I don’t need that stress. You know what, nevermind it all because in La Brea they travel to 10,000 BC and although race isn’t so much the thing, humans are going to human. That brings me to my second point.
In La Brea groups of people fall into time traveling sinkholes in Los Angeles. As a person who lives in Philadelphia I’m now suspicious because every week there’s a new sink hole situation somewhere in the city. Nothing nearly as dramatic, tragic, and loss of life or missing persons in these Philly reports but I’m also toeing a line of full-time conspiracy theorist and just the right amount of theorist. So, I have not ruled out the possibility of someone time traveling through the water filled sink hole in North Philly last night. Back to my point, these groups of people have to figure out what just happened, how to survive, and how to get back. All three of these things are stress inducing on a Tuesday let alone in a strange land (Los Angeles before Christopher Columbus or whoever took claim to discovering it, in 10,000 BC. Boy oh boy is the best of humanity often lost in these moments. Ten minutes in I’m punching somebody’s funky husband for thinking he knows everything.
For better context these pockets of people are basically people who fell through the sink hole at a traffic intersection. The only people you are likely to know are the people you happened to be traveling with. Now listen, I use public transportation a lot and 100 percent we are all gonna die almost immediately if we fall through the earth to the ice age era. Check that, I’d RATHER die and I’m truly scared of dying. I always consider making it home using public transit a survival task anyway. I swear to Sesame Street on Ice, anyone at any intersection of the city that I happen to be crossing are absolutely the worse people to be trapped with.
What I’m saying is the show should’ve been a limited miniseries drama because by episode three everyone is dead by each other’s doing and the occasional dino or saber toothe. I mean what are we even doing?
Time travel, it does not make sense. Cortisol stress hormone levels are already unmanageable and we have indoor plumbing in 2024. I know some folks bathe like they’re from 10,000 BC but they will be the first to go because some now extinct animal will sniff them out day one. You know what, is that how ice age animals actually died, they ate 2024 expired human meat? By the way in La Brea they are always freshly dressed, clean hair, and breath good enough to kiss for 3 whole seasons.
Okay, enough foolishness. I’d like to make an official request to the government agency that’s trying to make us think they have alien proof so that they can really keep their time travel research out of public consumption, a conspiracy theory. Enough. Just throw the portal into the ocean, no questions asked because polluting the ocean is what we already do.
I heard that scientifically speaking time travel is only possible to go forward in time not backward and that sounds terrifying as well. There are people in US prisons who went in before cellphone computers and came out with cars you can’t figure out how to get out of, “where’s the handle”. Forward traveling would mean thinking you know how to drive horse-powered engine car because you drove a horse and carriage across the Oregon trail. Wild. I do think I might have a decent chance being a Black woman in the year 4000 so maybe I’ll try it. Your first Black Woman President of whatever this land mass will be because it won’t be the USA.
As for aliens…I’m going, pick me up ASAP. Truly, so much is out there, only we, a narcissist cosplaying society would be like, there are no others anywhere. I just hope they aren’t worse than us because what a waste if they are.
In conclusion, I’d kill time travel and marry and f*ck an alien. Okay it might be becoming a kink.
