Being Black in a Christian College — How I got here
I went to a Christian college in the South. My experiences there were filled with racism and intersectionality of being Black, woman, and fat. Maybe some other perceived intersections that I don’t identify as but sometimes you don’t know what others see. I don’t know how deep I will go in this series, how many true and personal to me stories I will tell but I’ll start here.
First I decided to attend this particular university because as I would often explain “God led me there”. In hindsight I’m unsure if it was God but I do know I was led there. My mom had passed through one day on her way down south to find a place for us to move to. She called me from the road. This was before cell phones were a real thing so she was calling from a hotel or a friend’s house I don’t remember. Once we settled at our new place of residence we went to a church directly linked to that school.
The pastor was an alumni and the church hosted interns from the school every so often. The youth group planned trips to visit only that school. Within the first few months my church had hosted a group trip to a small city about 45 minutes away for a small “meet the school” event. There, they had the world renowned a capella group singing there. I’m unsure but I think this vocal group had more money in it than the athletics department. At least they were treated much like a sports team and traveled more.
At that event I met one of the few Black students. She was the stand out vocalist and honestly just a stand out human being. Kind, gracious, and friendly. I was still very shy and awkward back then, but my mom is not. My mom struck up a conversation and found out this young woman was connected to people we knew. A sign.
Then a few months later my church arranged for us to travel to the school which was about a 6 hour trip for a weekend stay in the dorms and meet some other real college students. My student tour guide was a Black young woman from the Bahamas. She was kind and caring and quiet like me but seemed to know a lot of people there. Kind of the point I guess.
At the time it never occurred to me how small the school was and how much smaller the Black student population was. I guarantee you that representation matters and that my brain played along into thinking there were more of “us” there than were actually. Also, I honestly didn’t see the true necessity until it was too late.
I applied to this school after that trip and then a few months later we went up again for their biggest recruitment event. The most fun weekend of the year. Once I attended there I saw the behind the scenes that institutions go through to empress. Every year a day or a few before the major events including recruitment and move in day the school brings in a landscaper and they pull up perfectly good plants and replace them with brand new more vibrant plants. The food is specially catered and impressive. All in all a model home even though you’re buying a used home that needs a new roof.
I bought in completely. I was a model Christian at the time. I was even nervous and repented a lot about having a crush on a boy in my high school class who was not my denomination and therefore not a match for me. *20 years later I found out it wasn’t the denomination that didn’t make him my match but we just don’t match.*
I only applied to this university. I felt like everything was a sign I was supposed to go to this school. I got in. I remember not being excited about getting in though. A plain ole letter came in the mail, I read it, and kind of passingly told my mom I got in. She was excited! At that point in my life I just wanted to go wherever I was accepted and since I only applied to one school, that was fine.
Had I known what my experience was going to be almost days after my parents dropped me off, I would have chosen differently. I very quickly felt trapped, alone, but also a need to survive. That’s what I did. I survived 4 years at a mostly white Christian university. Don’t get me wrong, I had fun times. I felt like a college student. However, I was very vocal with those who asked, about how I really felt about the school and my experience. In doing so I would be deemed a problem amongst my friend group. Lonely in a room of people.
